Gravity, p.1
Gravity, page 1
Gravity
Kathleen Ryder
Copyright © 2022 Kathleen Ryder.
All rights reserved.
ISBN
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilisation of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage and retrieval system, is forbidden without the permission of the author, Kathleen Ryder.
Cover design by No Sweat Graphics.
All song lyrics contained within this work are taken from the song titled “Gravity”, on the album of the same name, and are the sole copyright of Caleb Goman, 2020.
Caleb Goman has granted the author, Kathleen Ryder, his express permission to use these lyrics within this work.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Copyright Page
DEDICATION
PROLOGUE - CASSIDY
CHAPTER ONE - JAX
CHAPTER TWO - CASSIDY
CHAPTER THREE - JAX
CHAPTER FOUR - CASSIDY
CHAPTER FIVE - JAX
CHAPTER SIX - CASSIDY
CHAPTER SEVEN - JAX
CHAPTER EIGHT - CASSIDY
CHAPTER NINE - JAX
CHAPTER TEN - CASSIDY
CHAPTER ELEVEN - JAX
CHAPTER TWELVE - CASSIDY
CHAPTER THIRTEEN - JAX
CHAPTER FOURTEEN - CASSIDY
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - JAX
CHAPTER SIXTEEN - CASSIDY
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - JAX
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - CASSIDY
CHAPTER NINETEEN - JAX
CHAPTER TWENTY - CASSIDY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE - JAX
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - CASSIDY
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - JAX
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR - CASSIDY
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE - JAX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - CASSIDY
About The Author
Read More of Kathleen’s Books
DEDICATION
For anyone who has ever had an unrequited crush, I feel your pain.
PROLOGUE - CASSIDY
“Why don’t you ask Jax if he has any space free next year? Maybe he can teach Riley how to play the guitar?” Cassidy shrugged as she made the suggestion to her friend, Anna.
“I thought about that, but he’s moving to Brisbane after Christmas,” Anna sipped at her mug of hot tea, completely oblivious to what she had just done.
“What?! He is not,” Cassidy scoffed, her heart pounding.
“Yeah, he is,” Anna nodded nonchalantly, “Sarah found out at band practice today.”
“You’re kidding? Wow, usually they mention staff departures in the staff meetings, Jax certainly kept that quiet,” Cassidy was surprised that her voice was still able to sound normal.
“Hmm, I guess so,” Anna shrugged, helping herself to another biscuit.
“Did Sarah say why he was moving to Brisbane?” Cassidy couldn’t resist asking.
“Apparently he’s taken a job down there, just having a change, chasing new opportunities,” Anna relayed.
“Goodness, I really can’t believe it!” Cassidy exclaimed, hoping her true feelings didn’t start showing through.
“I know, right?” Anna agreed. “He’s been Sarah’s music teacher for years. For so long, it started to feel like he was a part of the landscape here in Alice Springs. Naturally, she’s really upset, we’re not sure who will be taking over music next year, or even if it will still be offered. The other music teacher, Steve, is leaving too, his fiancé is over in India and so he will be going to be with her.”
“Oh well, no loss there, he was weird.”
“Wasn’t he ever! Plus, he drove like a maniac, so obviously not a good role model for our kids.”
“Surprising, though, he didn’t even last a full twelve months. I guess desert living isn’t for everyone.”
“No, well, I always thought he was a bit of a delicate flower,” Anna scrunched up her face with displeasure.
“I wonder if that is really why Jax is moving to Brisbane, or if there is another reason?” Cassidy mused.
“I think there is another reason,” Anna leant forward, “I think he must be moving for love.”
“Love?” Cassidy’s eyebrows rose, she wasn’t so convinced.
“Don’t sound so sceptical,” Anna laughed, “people do fall in love and make decisions based on that all the time.”
“I know that, but Jax?”
“Look at the evidence,” Anna continued, “I never ever see him at the shops, do you?”
“No,” Cassidy had to admit that in all the time she had lived in Alice Springs, she had never once seen Jax at the supermarket.
“So, there you go, obviously someone must shop for him.”
“Or maybe he eats out?” Cassidy knew how lame that sounded, no one ate out every night, but she couldn’t help clutching at straws.
“Okay then, point number two,” Anna held up two fingers, “Jax is always happy.”
“Happiness is not a crime,” Cassidy smiled indulgently at her friend.
“True, but in my experience, men are only happy if they are in a relationship.”
“What? That’s not true.”
“Okay, maybe not,” Anna conceded, “but Sarah said she saw him driving around with a woman, laughing at something together. She said they looked like a couple.”
“Well, whatever the reason, it will be weird not seeing him around town anymore. Now, tell me about Sean, how is he liking his new job?” Cassidy changed the subject, not sure how much more talk of Jax she could handle. It wasn’t her friend’s fault that Cassidy was shocked by the news, she had no idea of Cassidy’s past with Jax, no one did, Cassidy kept it quiet, secreted away deep in her soul where no one could touch it or mock it or ruin it as they did with everything else. Cassidy had kept it sacred, protected, no one knew how she felt, no one would ever know, she would never tell them.
Cassidy had had enough of people mocking her in her lifetime. There was no way she would give anyone the ammunition they needed to do it again. Instead, she kept her mouth shut, she rarely let her emotions show, and she dressed in an impenetrable armour designed to keep her safe. The side effect, of course, was that people thought that she didn’t care, or wasn’t interested, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. For the very few people who saw past her appearance to the fiercely beautiful soul inside, she gave them her unwavering loyalty. She bathed them in a dazzling light of trust and love, she raised them up and cheered them on, allowing them into her inner circle, the cherished few who were called friends. Not many people made it, very few ever saw past her outer shell, those that did gained a friend for life. Cassidy knew who she was, and she knew how people saw her. She was happy in her skin and loved the curves that others hated, she was prone to saying the wrong thing; she spoke her mind and wasn’t afraid to call people out for rude or unacceptable behaviour. She was fiercely protective of those she loved, and champion of the underdog. She had a loud and infectious laugh, and she made no apologies for who she was.
Cassidy knew that she wasn’t for everyone, and she was okay with that. She had finally reached a place where she was comfortable in her own skin, and she was content with that. Mostly. Cassidy had days when she was lonely and wished that she had someone special in her life, but she had reached a point now where she didn’t think that would ever happen. She knew that on some level, she was too damaged to expect a fairy-tale ending, years of neglect and abuse at the hands of her parents had shown her that her value and worth were negligible at best. She hid her scars well, but they were still there, festering away underneath her skin, oozing poison when she least expected it. She knew they would weep tonight, as would she. She would weep for all that she had lost, even though it had never been hers to start with. She would weep for lost opportunities, and unfulfilled dreams, for chances stolen from her, and a life unlived. Hours later, as Cassidy lay in bed in the dark, her fist stuffed in her mouth to avoid making a sound, the tears coursed down her cheeks. Jax was leaving Alice Springs. That was it, he was going. She was never going to see him again, she was losing everything that she had ever wanted, and no one even knew.
When the tears finally subsided, Cassidy fell into a restless sleep, waking as the first fingers of dawn began to creep across the sky, resignation stooping her shoulders. The house was silent, as it always was when she rose, the only other occupant, her faithful dog, Bella, fast asleep. As Cassidy made her first cup of coffee for the day, she briefly considered what would happen if she simply told Jax that she was going to miss him. She didn’t think that he would be the kind of person to belittle her or mock her for admitting her feelings, she was just so used to being rejected that she didn’t know where to start. It would make no difference, she knew that, and yet she wanted him to know that she would miss him, that someone would miss him and wish him well. Pulling out a sheet of paper from her desk drawer, Cassidy sat down and started to write, pouring her heart out onto the paper in front of her, hoping that somehow Jax would see through the words to the weight of emotion behind them, that he would know what she was trying to say to him.
Dear Jax,
I know that to you I am nothing more than the woman who helps out in the front office, but to me, you are so much more. I am devastated that you are moving to Brisbane, I know that might come as a surprise to you, but there you go. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for you, you deserve every opportunity that comes your way, but I am going to miss you so very much. You see, to me, you are liquid sunshine. You have this warmth that just radiates from you and wraps everyone up. You are kind to everyone, even when others aren’t. You always have time to stop and talk to people, and more than that, you listen, actually listen to others, as if they are the most important conversation you are having that day.
I have had a crush on you since the first day we met, do you remember that? I was working at the social security office, and you had come in to let us know you had a new job. I was struck by your looks, who wouldn't be, as well as by your words. There was just something about you, something intangible that spoke to my soul, something that sparked a fire within me. I couldn’t tell you why, but at that moment I just knew that you were meant to be in my life, that you were my soul mate, and yes, I know how odd that sounds. That was ten years ago now, and I have never told you. I couldn’t tell you. I was just so scared of being rejected, of being laughed at, that I never took a chance, on you, on us. I never gave you a chance to prove me wrong. I’m sorry about that, more sorry than you’ll ever know.
The fear of your reaction, coupled with the knowledge that people like you don’t end up with people like me, stopped me from ever saying anything. I thought I would have forever with you. I genuinely thought that you would always be in my orbit in some way. I never imagined that you would move away, how crazy is that? Even now, I can’t tell you. I literally can’t even speak to you, every time I try, I just get so tongue-tied and end up sounding foolish. So instead, I am writing this, in the hopes that you will read it and understand just how very much you have meant to me, even if you didn’t know it.
I have no idea what might have happened if I had ever had the courage to tell you that I like you, that I would like to get to know you better. Maybe we would have gone out, maybe we would have discovered a spark to set us on fire. Maybe we would have found we had nothing in common and parted ways. I’ll never know, and that haunts me, the what if’s. Maybe, if you read this, if you feel something, or are simply curious, you can let me know. You have my email address and my phone number, you can text me or call me or email me or send a carrier pigeon (but don’t really, my dog would not like that very much). A text message from you would make my year. And if you don’t feel anything for me, I wish you find happiness in Brisbane. Above everything else, if you are happy, that would be enough for me.
I will miss you more than I can say.
Cassidy.
Later that afternoon, when Cassidy was starting to get ready to head home from work, she took her letter and placed it in a sealed envelope, and added it to a wrapped box of chocolates. If anyone asked, she would tell them that it was a going-away gift. When Steve came into the office to sign in the bus load of music students he had just collected, Cassidy gave him the wrapped gift.
“Steve, can you pass this along to Jax, please? One of the parents dropped it off for him, something about a leaving town gift?” Cassidy feigned knowledge.
“Sure thing,” Steve winked at her, and she tried not to let her displeasure show. He was supposed to be engaged or married for goodness sake, not flirting with single women. With the gift clutched in one hand and his guitar in the other, Steve dashed from the front office to the music room, leaving Cassidy to simply hope that Jax got her note and that he read it and didn’t merely throw it away.
Despite telling herself that she wasn’t going to think about Jax anymore, not for any reason, Cassidy found that he was all she could think about. She tried not to get her hopes up, she really did, but every time her phone beeped, she jumped up to grab it, convinced that it would be from Jax, showing some kind of indication that he likes her, but it never was. After a couple of weeks of bouncing around, her heart stopping with every text message, Cassidy is forced to admit what she already knew, that Jax is simply not interested in her. She tried not to let it bother her, she really did, but she couldn't help it, she had lost him, she had lost everything that she had ever wanted, and worst of all, he was never hers to begin with.
CHAPTER ONE - JAX
Jax fingered the mandarins gently, rolling one around in the palm of his hand, before placing them back on the shelf with a sigh. Not quite ripe. That was the one thing he really detested about Alice Springs, the severe lack of quality fruit and vegetables. If he was planning on staying longer he could try to grow his own, but then again, he had lived here for ten years and had never managed to get started. Just another regret to add to his ever-growing list. He wandered across to the kiwi fruit and added a couple to his shopping trolley, turning suddenly at the sound of a familiar laugh, looking around the aisles of the fruit and vegetable section until he finally placed it. Cassidy. The woman who had worked in the front office of the school where he had taught music, he hadn’t thought about her in months, yet it was oddly comforting to find her here, his own dose of familiarity. He turned his shopping trolley in her direction and ambled over slowly, not wanting to seem too eager.
“Hi, stranger,” he greeted her with a smile. Jax saw surprise and shock flash in her eyes, mingled with the embarrassed flush of her skin.
“Jax...hi,” she squeaked, “you’re back, wow, that’s really great.”
“Not permanently, just here for the Easter break.”
“Oh. Well, that’s nice,” she finally graced him with a smile. “It was nice to see you again,” as she started to edge her trolley away from him, Jax was struck with a sudden sense of regret, and his hand shot out to stop her trolley.
“Cassidy, wait, would you like to have coffee with me?”
“Coffee?” Her brows knitted together.
“Yes,” he nodded.
“With you?” She clarified.
“Yes,” he chuckled at her confusion, “with me.”
“Oh. Um... okay, when?”
“I was thinking now if that suits you?”
“Of course, sorry Jax, your question threw me,” Cassidy admitted shyly. “I’ll just go pay for these few things and take them out to the car,” she gestured to the items in her shopping trolley, “I’ll meet you out the front in a few minutes.”
Jax watched her go before hurrying through the checkout himself and returning his items to his own vehicle, catching up with Cassidy in the car park and walking with her through to the only café inside the shopping centre that was currently open.
“Do you have any plans while you’re here or just a general catch-up with your friends?” Cassidy asked as she stirred sugar into her coffee cup.
“A little bit of both actually,” Jax answered, “I’m heading down to the Scorched Festival tomorrow, it was something that had been planned before I moved away, so I knew I wanted to come back for it. We’ll be playing a set there, some new music and some old favourites.”
“Jax! That’s fantastic! Gosh, I’m so proud of you.” She reached across the table to squeeze his forearm.
“Thank you. You could come, you know.”
“To the festival?”
“Sure, why not?”
He wasn’t sure what had prompted him to actually invite her to attend with him, he knew his bandmates would rib him about it later when they were alone, but it just seemed natural. He sensed that Cassidy was about to make an excuse, to blow him off, and he suddenly wanted her to come with him.
“It could be fun, catching up with you,” Jax played his trump card. He knew he shouldn’t have; he had read Cassidy’s letter before he left for Brisbane, he knew that she had fancied him, had for many years apparently, and most likely still did. He knew he shouldn’t encourage her, not when he had no intention of pursuing a relationship with her, yet he couldn’t seem to stop himself.
“Jax, I’m not sure that sounds like a good idea, wouldn’t you rather spend the weekend with friends?”
“We’re friends,” he grinned over at her, “aren’t we?”
