Gravity, p.4
Gravity, page 4
He avoided Cassidy’s gaze, his eyes sliding down her body towards the floor. She looked tired, even in her baggy outfit, which was obviously designed for warmth instead of fashion. His eyes stopped at the box in her hands, narrowing slightly, the blood rushing to his ears. Was that...No! His mind was screaming, looking for an alternative, refusing to believe what his eyes were seeing. There, clutched in her hands, for the entire world to see, was a pregnancy test. Jax felt ill. A million thoughts raced through his head. Was she serious? Was this a sick joke? Was it his? Was she going to try saying it was his? What was he going to do? There was no way that Jax could be a father, could he? More importantly, did he want to be? He wasn’t sure he had an answer for that question just yet, maybe he never would. He knew that he couldn’t do this though, he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t seen the test. Why hadn’t she told him? Unless it wasn’t his? Maybe that was why she wasn’t too upset that he had played her, that he had been a jerk with her, because she had someone else to comfort her, someone else to fall back on. As soon as the thought entered his head, Jax dismissed it. Cassidy didn’t seem like the type of person who would have a string of lovers waiting, in fact, she didn’t even seem like the type of person who would have sex outside of a committed relationship. Yet here she was.
Jax felt as if he had been standing there forever, just staring at Cassidy’s pregnancy test, instead of the mere moments that it had actually been. With a monumental effort, he dragged his eyes back upwards, and looked at Cassidy’s face. She looked tired, sick. Guilt stabbed at him, he was better than this, this was not who he was, not really.
“Cassidy, it’s nice to see you again, this is Carmen,” he nodded towards the woman at his side.
“Cassidy? It’s nice to meet you,” Carmen smiled openly. “I didn't realise the two of you knew each other.”
“Cassidy works at the front office at the school where I used to teach last year,” Jax supplied quickly, not wanting to give Cassidy a chance to tell Carmen how she really knew him.
“Oh, I bet you'd have some stories to tell, wouldn't you?”
“My lips are sealed.” Although Cassidy answered Carmen’s question, it was Jax that she spoke to. “Well, I’d better-” Cassidy made to move, waving the hand that held the pregnancy test in some kind of weird goodbye salute.
“Oh, my gosh!” Carmen squealed. “You’re pregnant?” If it was possible for someone to die of embarrassment, it would be Cassidy, right here right now, her face had gone a terrifying shade of beetroot.
“Um, I’m not sure...” Cassidy trailed off.
“But you think you are, don't you? Oh, how wonderful, a baby, that's the most precious thing ever!” Carmen clasped her hands together in front of her chest, a dreamy look on her face. “Oh, I absolutely can't wait to have a baby, I'm so clucky it's not even funny, both of my sisters just recently had babies, my eldest sister had a baby girl, oh man she is so cute, and my youngest sister just had twins. Honestly, she's so lucky,” Carmen shook her head in disbelief. “Twin boys, also the cutest things ever. Honestly, I just can't wait until I have a baby growing inside of me, it's literally the only thing I want in life now.”
“Maybe you should put those back then,” Cassidy gestured towards the ridiculously large container of condoms in Jax’s hands, the ghost of a smile on her lips.
“True,” Carmen laughed, “but they aren’t for us, I mean, they are, but we intend to use them in an entirely different manner than what their original purpose is,” she leant towards Cassidy conspiratorially, “Jax and I are planning on making a penis sculpture for a friend’s birthday, made out of tiny plaster condoms. We’ll just fill these up and once they are set, cut them out of the latex, and then use more plaster to bind the entire thing together, hopefully, it works out.”
“It sounds really funny, hopefully, it works out for you. Well, I better go, it was nice to meet you, Carmen,” Cassidy nodded before turning and walking away towards the checkout without a second glance at Jax. Jax was torn, he wanted to follow Cassidy, he had a million questions he wanted to ask her, but on the other hand, he didn’t want Carmen asking him a million questions about who Cassidy was and why he was going after her. In the end, he did nothing, merely stayed with Carmen while she added a bunch of bandages to his arms before they checked out. The longer he was out in town with Carmen, the longer Jax had to let his behaviour towards Cassidy stew and fester.
He had been a jerk, worse even, because he had acted with deliberate intent. Urgh, what was wrong with him? He should ever have introduced Cassidy to Carmen as a mere acquaintance, he knew that, but what could he have said? This is Cassidy, the girl I had a fling with over Easter? This is Cassidy, kind of a friend with benefits but not really? No, of course not, that would have been even worse. He should have introduced her as a co-worker, that at least was technically true. Jax didn’t miss the hurt in her eyes when he had dismissed her so easily. Jax sighed heavily, he knew what he had to do. As soon as Carmen had finished with her purchases, he made his excuses, feigning a migraine, and dropping her straight home. Once he left her place, he drove the most logical route from town to Cassidy’s house, hoping that he wasn’t too late to catch her, knowing that she would have walked, remembering from their time working together that she didn’t drive. As he rounded the corner, he spied her just up ahead and quickly pulled up alongside her.
“Cassidy, hey, wait, can I give you a lift?”
CHAPTER SIX - CASSIDY
Cassidy stopped and stared at Jax sitting in his car. Was he for real? Shaking her head slowly, she started to walk again, only stopping when Jax had the audacity to honk his horn at her.
“What the hell?” She rounded on him. “Do I look like a dog to you? You can't just go around beeping your horn at people, Jax. Disgusting!” Cassidy stormed off, walking faster than usual, fuelled by anger and annoyance. She watched Jax drive past her and pull off the road up ahead, park his car and get out. Head held high, Cassidy had every intention of waltzing straight past the arrogant jerk, and she would have to, if only he hadn't reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her.
“What?” She hissed.
“Would you just stop for a minute please, so that I can talk to you?”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Then maybe you can listen, honey, because I sure as hell have plenty to say to you.”
“You know what, Jax? Screw you!” Cassidy spat out, again heading for home.
The last thing wanted was to talk to Jax right now. By the time she got to the end of the next street, she was relieved to see that Jax had given up and was nowhere in sight. Good. Cassidy slowed her steps, sucking in a deep lungful of air. Her shoulders slumping. She couldn’t even begin to process everything that had happened already today, she didn’t know where to start. A tear trickled slowly down her face, and she brushed it away impatiently, blinking rapidly to try and stop any more from following suit. She was not going to cry, not over him, not anymore. Her words were pointless and the tears continued to fall. She wasn't even sure why she was crying, not really, it wasn't as if Jax's reaction had been unexpected, it was just that Cassidy had hoped for more, so much more. She couldn't believe that he was back in town, why hadn't he told her? It was obvious that he hadn't wanted her to know, but to introduce her to his new squeeze like that, that was just plain cruel. Cassidy was angry that she had been right, she knew that Jax had been avoiding her, she just knew it. It didn't matter though, did it? She had still hoped that she had been wrong, she had still hoped that he hadn't just used her, that there had been some kind of connection, no matter how stupid that sounded. She was an optimist, she couldn't help it, she just wanted everything to turn out for everybody.
The only good thing to have come from all of this was that she hadn't told anybody. She would have been beyond mortified had anybody known that she had thrown herself at Jax, willingly, and then he had just thrown her away like trash. Gah, she had been so stupid, so very, very stupid, and now look where it had gotten her. She should have just kept her mouth shut. She should never have written Jax that letter in the first place, that is what started the whole thing. If she had never sent the letter, then when he had spoken to her in the supermarket, she would merely have said hello and walked away, she would never have agreed to coffee. She wouldn't have been flattered, she wouldn't have thought that he had read the letter but hadn't responded because he had been shy, and most importantly, she wouldn’t have let her imagination run away with her. She wouldn't have read more into Jax's smile, she wouldn't have allowed herself to believe that he was smiling at her because he liked her, because he thought she was something special, instead she would have seen the truth, that he was smiling at her because he was a nice person who smiled at everyone. No, she should never have told him how she felt about him it had been the catalyst for everything and her downfall.
Cassidy spent the rest of the walk home assuring up her defences, building the walls around her heart that little bit higher, that little bit sicker, fixing up all the cracks that the light had dared to push through during these past few weeks. Cassidy was a professional at guarding her emotions, usually, this was just one tiny slip, that’s all, nothing major, tomorrow she could start new, she would go back to being cold and aloof, safe. A coldness started to creep into Cassidy’s bones as the realisation of losing Jax became a reality. It was so much worse this time around, because, unlike last time when he was just moving to Brisbane, this time he had been hers, even if only for a short while, and now she had lost him. It was so silly really, the sheer weight of grief that she carried with her. Even if she had someone to confide in, she knew they wouldn't understand her, she loved big, that's what she did, that was who she was, she didn't do things small, or by halves, or casually. She was unlike all the other women she knew, she could never just have a fling, emotions were always involved, at least for her.
One of the most painful things for Cassidy was just how happy Jax had looked in the chemist. He hadn't looked embarrassed or uncomfortable or ashamed at being caught with another woman at all. Is this why he had stopped returning her calls? Another uncomfortable thought occurred to Cassidy, just how long had Jax been seeing this woman, she was obviously a local, after all, she had spoken about them having a mutual friend. Was she the woman that he was dating before he left for Brisbane? Have they been dating this whole time? Oh no! Cassidy was dismayed to think that she could actually have been the other woman in this situation, what a mess. Thank goodness she had never told Jax how she truly felt about him, she would rather die than confess how she felt about Jax, she loved him, and she was in love with him. She couldn't even begin to imagine what she would do if the pregnancy test was in fact positive. Cassidy had never imagined herself having children she didn't know the first thing about being a mother, and she certainly never had any role models to guide her.
By the time Cassidy got home, she was hot, tired, and decidedly nauseous, her apprehension levels shooting through the roof at the sight of Jax's car parked by the curb outside her house. Apparently, he hadn't got the message after all.
CHAPTER SEVEN - JAX
“Cassidy, did you have a nice walk?” Jax greeted her as she walked through her front gate.
“Go to hell!” Cassidy muttered as she headed for her front door.
“No thanks, I'm not interested.” Jax watched as Cassidy unlocked her front door and stepped through, moving to close it behind her, but Jax was too quick for her, shoving his foot in the door jamb to prevent the door from closing.
“Seriously?” Cassidy arched her eyebrows at him. “Move your foot, Jax,” she commanded.
“I just want to talk, Cassidy, that’s all.”
“Ha! So, I guess it's all about you and what you want, isn't it, Jax?” Her eyebrow arched at him.
“Really? I seem to recall you getting quite a lot of what you enjoyed as well,” Jax watched as Cassidy paled.
“What do you want, Jax?” She asked quietly, her eyes avoiding his.
“I told you, I just want to talk, that's all.”
“Fine,” she crossed her arms over her chest, “go ahead, I'm listening.”
“Aren't you going to invite me in Cassidy?” Jax prompted.
“No,” Cassidy’s voice was firm.
“Cassidy, please?” Jax tried again.
“No, Jax. This is my house, my space, and I don't want you in it.”
“Okay, fair enough, will keep will you at least sit out on the front patio with me, please, so that I'm not standing here talking to the door?”
“Fine,” Cassidy sighed, “but I need a minute first.” She shut the door in his face. Jax made himself comfortable on one of the patio chairs and waited for her to return. She didn't keep him waiting long, reappearing after only a few minutes, a box of salty crackers and a bottle of water tucked under her arm. As Cassidy flopped down in the chair opposite him in started snacking away at her crackers, Jax raised an eyebrow, but wisely said nothing.
“Well,” she glowered at him, “talk.”
“I saw what you purchased at the chemist Cassidy,” Jax got right to the point.
“So,” she shrugged, “I saw what you and your new girlfriend were buying too.”
“My new girlfriend? I wasn't aware that I had an old girlfriend.” The barb hit as it was supposed to, Cassidy sucking in a sharp breath. “Are you pregnant?”
“I don't know,” Cassidy spoke after a pause.
“But you think you are?” Jax probed.
“Possibly, my period is late,” Cassidy sat the box of crackers aside and took a large swig of her water. “Also, I haven’t been feeling very well the past couple of days, nauseous, headache, that kind of thing.”
“I see,” Jax nodded.
“No, you don't,” Cassidy shook her head. “My period is never late, Jax, never.”
“How late are you?”
“Five days.”
“Sheesh,” he sighed.
“Aren’t you going to ask me if the baby is yours?” Cassidy questioned frostily.
“No,” he lied.
“Liar,” she accused. “I can see it written all over your face.”
“Okay, fine Cassidy. Is it mine, hey, is that what you want me to say?” Jax let his annoyance show through.
“If that's what you think, then yes, I want you to say it,” Cassidy bit back.
“I don't know what to think, Cassidy, honestly, we hooked up for one night, we text each other occasionally, a few random phone calls, we’re kind of friends, yet you don't even tell me that you think you might be pregnant,” Jax fumed. “I'm the supposed possible father, and yet you don't even tell me. What am I supposed to think?” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Maybe if you hadn't been such an ass,” Cassidy seethed, “maybe if you had actually answered the phone when I rang you, instead of always gaslighting me, then maybe I would have been able to tell you,” she spat out, her voice thick with unshed tears. Great, now he had made her cry, urgh!
“Cassidy,” he sighed, “I wish I had an excuse, but I don’t, I’m sorry.”
“No,” she waved his apology away, wiping her eyes, “it’s fine, I’m too intense, too exhausting to be friends with,” she laughed self-deprecatingly. Jax wondered who had hurt her in the past for her to actually believe that. “Besides,” she continued, “you were right. We were never anything. I was the pathetic woman who had a crush on you for way too long, and you were the popular man who never saw me, in fact, I doubt you even knew that I existed for most of the years that I have known you,” she shrugged. “Honestly, we both know that the only reason we ever ended up together was simply that you needed some fun for the night, and I happened to be walking past at the time. It could have been anyone, Jax, seriously, it was just bad luck that it happened to be me.” Jax wasn't entirely sure how he felt about Cassidy calling what they had shared together bad luck but decided not to comment on it.
“You were there, Cassidy, convenient, that part is true, I’m not going to lie, but let me make two things very clear. One, despite what you might think of me, I do not make it a habit to go sleeping around, there is generally some kind of mutual relationship in place first, and two, you’re wrong. I knew you existed, of course, I did.”
“Fine.” By the way that she snorted at his last comments, he knew that Cassidy didn’t believe him. Jax decided to let it go for now.
“So,” Jax cleared his throat, “will you do the test now?”
“No,” Cassidy shook her head, and he felt a stab of disappointment.
“Because I’m here?” He guessed.
“No,” Cassidy clarified, “because the box says to do it first thing in the morning.”
“Oh.” He wondered if she would let him come back tomorrow, to wait while she did the test? It was unlikely, she would probably only accuse him of not trusting her to do the test, of checking up on her. “Would you, ah, like me to...I mean, if you want, I can come over first thing in the morning, um, sit with you while you do the test.”
“You want to watch me pee on a stick?” Cassidy sounded incredulous. “Oh!” She exclaimed suddenly, shaking her head as if confused. “Sorry, of course, I didn’t think, but obviously you want to know as soon as possible, especially Carmen I would imagine,” Cassidy prattled on.
“Carmen?” Jax spoke over the top of Cassidy. “What does she have to do with anything?”
“What does she have to...Jax, I hope you’re joking right now. You heard her, she is desperate to have a baby, chances are she’s feeling pretty hurt and betrayed right about now...Oh. You didn’t tell her, did you?” Cassidy’s mouth flattened into a line.
“Tell her?” Jax was utterly confused.
“That I might be pregnant,” Cassidy supplied.
