Beth through time, p.11
Beth Through Time, page 11
“A single moment away from you feels like an eternity.”
Had the duke truly said that? Despite making my heart flutter, I covered my mouth and smothered a giggle.
Edmund’s eyes crinkled into a bashful smile. “Too trite?”
I could not help snorting. “A bit.”
“I suppose, I cannot help it. Whenever I am around you all I want to do is spout off flowery words.” Edmund twirled me around. “Perhaps my words would be perceived better if I recited works by Byron? My own are not up to the task I am afraid.”
“Well, when you put it like that...I do not mind it at all.” I sighed contentedly. “Spending time with you has been wonderful.” Edmund and I swayed to the music, focused solely on each other.
“I concur, I never tire of seeing you.” Edmund’s thumb caressed the spot on my waist. He quieted for a moment as we continued our turns about the dance floor. His face took on a pinched look, eyes darkening with whatever was crossing his mind.
I missed a step as I caught his expression. “Edmund, what is wrong?”
My voice pulled him out of his reverie, and the frown on his face dissipated. “Nothing, my lovely Willa. Nothing at all.”
Willa...the name stung every time the duke used it. It was a stark reminder that I was still deceiving Edmund. I needed to come clean and clear my conscience, come what may. He deserved the truth. And I hoped that his feelings for me would be strong enough to overcome my lies and deceit. Perhaps tomorrow I could take us somewhere private...
Edmund leaned forward, his lips brushing my ear. “Perhaps we can find a place to speak later this evening? I have some things I would like to say to you.” There was a certain skittish quality to his gaze, his eyes darting away from mine.
I looked at him once he straightened. “Yes.”
He nodded. “The end of the season is mere weeks away. I cannot wait any longer.”
Wait for what? I wanted to ask him, but the song ended, and the duke let go of my waist.
“I shall find you,” he muttered, then bowed deeply before leaving me behind on the dance floor.
With a last glance at the duke, I returned to my friends. Willa was busy fitting an entire cracker with caviar into her mouth while Anne stared at her, bright-eyed and bemused.
“Beth, good effort keeping your hands away from each other,” Willa said after chewing and swallowing the bite of food. Anne snatched another hors d’oeuvre from a circulating waiter and handed it to Willa.
Willa flashed Anne a wide smile. “Thank you.”
“Willa has a point,” Anne said after returning Willa’s smile. “He looked as if he was going to kiss you right then and there. The scandal if that would have happened.”
My eyes widened in shock. “Anne, you do not need to announce it to the entire room. Lower your voice.”
Willa snorted chewing the other hors d’oeuvre.
Anne motioned at the room full of the Farnsby’s guests. “Everyone is too occupied with dancing and drinking to pay attention to us wallflowers.”
“Still...” I leaned in closer to them. “Edmund did ask to speak to me later this evening. He said he would come and find me. I wonder what it is he wants to tell me.”
Anne shot me an exasperated look. “You cannot tell me you have no idea what he wants to tell you.”
I shook my head, worried now. “It cannot be, not yet. I have not told him the truth.”
“Yes, but he does not know that.” Willa shrugged empathetically. “He is under the impression that you are me and that my father is not only encouraging the match but indeed actively sought it out.”
“And he clearly likes you,” Anne added.
“Fair point.” I fidgeted with the ribbon around my waist and frowned. “What am I supposed to do? I cannot let him propose without knowing the truth.”
Anne nodded, pursing her lips. “When he takes you somewhere private, you should ask to speak first. Tell him the truth. It will be up to the duke whether he accepts your apology, but at least he will know the truth and so will you. If he truly loves you, he will make the right decision, and if he does not then you will be better off without him.”
Anne squeezed my hand. “I think you need something to fortify yourself with.” She glanced around until she spotted a server carrying drinks. I stayed with Willa until Anne returned with three glasses of punch.
Sweet, fruit-flavored alcohol slid down my throat as I tipped back some of the punch. The drink was heavily fortified with rum. I needed to be careful with the amount I imbibed; I wanted to calm my nerves, not get myself drunk.
Willa swallowed some of her drink and hissed. “That is one of the strongest glasses of punch I have encountered. By my count, half of those attending shall be deep within their cups and snoring in their chairs before long.”
“Perhaps we could take some air to clear my head?”
Willa and Anne joined me as we wound our way past dancing guests and dandies drinking, the ballroom filled with raucous laughter and merriment.
We stepped outdoors; the back garden was lit up with burning torches to chase away the dark. The refreshing evening breeze did wonders for my constitution. Nerves made me run hot and sweaty. I patted the sides of my face with a handkerchief and joined Willa and Anne on a bench.
“Where is Melinda?” I asked Willa. “I have not seen her in a while.”
Willa snorted. “She has taken a liking to my father and is occupying a lot of his time.”
“That is a good thing...right?”
“It is.” Willa rolled her eyes and sniffed. “I like Melinda; she is a bit of an odd duck, but she is kind. And having her around to distract my father is also beneficial. Without her, our scheme more than likely would have been found out already. My father is not stupid.” Willa paused and looked at Anne. “I have also enjoyed spending time with you.”
Anne coughed and glanced in another direction. I sensed something brewing between my two friends.
“However, it is strange to see my father hanging onto every word of another woman. He has been so different. I cannot recall the last time I have seen him smile like this. It worries me as well since Melinda is...” Willa lowered her voice despite no one else being around, “a time-traveler.”
Anne and I nodded.
“I am worried that he will be hurt when she eventually leaves,” Willa continued.
“Has Melinda said she was leaving?”
“Not yet.” Willa crossed her legs.
“Then perhaps you could ask her when you see her next. It might alleviate your worries.”
“I suppose.”
“Would you like me to be there when you do?” Anne asked Willa.
Willa smiled at Anne, her cat-like eyes softening. “I would.” She sighed and smacked her thigh. “Alright, let us take a turn about the garden. It is getting a bit cold sitting still.”
“Would you rather return indoors?” Anne took off her shawl and handed it to Willa.
“Not yet,” Willa said, draping the fabric around her shoulders. Soft chords floated out over the patio, and she turned to face Anne. Willa reached for Anne’s hand, grasping it gently. Away from staring eyes, their movements started to mirror the ones Edmund and I had made on the dance floor earlier. I backed away, sensing they could use a private moment together.
“I will be back later,” I murmured before returning to the ballroom.
Inside, I did a turn about the room by myself and picked up a different hors d’oeuvre with another glass of punch which I sipped delicately this time. A gentleman asked for a dance, but I politely declined.
“There you are,” Edmund’s voice said behind me. I twirled around to face him. “Do you have time to talk?”
My feelings were mixed; I was glad to be near Edmund again, but then I was also dreading what would be coming next. I set my half eaten hors d’oeuvre and glass of punch on a side table and swallowed. “I do. Anne and...Beth are occupied elsewhere.” My skin tingled, and my stomach felt a bit drawn. It was now or never. I just hoped the alcohol helped to keep my composure.
“Follow me,” Edmund said. “If we cross the room and leave in turns, I doubt anyone will notice us missing. We will need some more privacy than can be given anywhere at Farnsby’s Manor. For what I would like to discuss, we do not need to be overheard.”
My stomach fluttered. “Alright...”
“Dear, Willa. Let us get to the foyer. I will leave the manor first and wait for you with a carriage at the end of the path. You can follow me fifteen minutes later and none shall be the wiser.”
“Now?”
“Now,” he nodded. He strode around the dance floor heading towards the exit, anticipation or excitement evident in his decisive long strides. He wasted no more time. I followed, keeping up pace behind him.
“Beth Easton,” a girl bellowed.
I cringed at the sound of my name and turned my head to the offending voice. No, no, no, no, no. It was Arabella. I needed to leave, pretend I had not heard her. I turned my head away and continued walking, hoping the girl would give up.
“Beth, it is you.” She caught up with me and grabbed my hand.
Edmund noticed the commotion and stopped. He glanced back at the girl and me.
“It has been a while since the luncheon at Hyde Park,” Arabella said, oblivious to my distress. She chatted happily as if we were the best of friends. I wanted to disappear into the ground and never return.
“I need to go,” I hurried out, hoping Arabella would stop speaking so I could make my escape without causing a scene; however, Edmund returned to my side.
His expression darkened as he tried to figure out what was happening. “You must be mistaken; this is Willa Balfour,” Edmund told Arabella. My face turned an ugly shade of red.
Arabella gave Edmund a short, confused glance. “No, this is Beth Easton from Westbridge. Our families are acquainted with one another.”
Edmund turned deathly silent, his brows furrowing and eyes darkening as he glanced down at me. “Is what this girl is saying true? Your name is not Willa...?” His cold voice chilled my heart.
“I-Edmund-I...” I choked on my own words.
Arabella stood gaping, confused at our interaction. “What is going on?”
“I need to leave.” Edmund swept out of the room without another word. My heart sank, leaving me feeling hollow.
“What was that?” Arabella asked. She was glancing around the room with an expression of shock, but I had no time for her.
“Arabella, not now,” I told the girl before grabbing my skirts and hurrying after the duke. I did not care about what people might think of me. Arabella had ruined everything. I had been so close to telling Edmund the truth. Mere minutes away from leaving the ball with him. And now...my chances were ruined. Utterly hopeless.
I ran as fast as I was able on the slippery floor. The doorman’s eyes widened as he saw me racing for the entrance. He swiftly opened the door, and I continued running.
“Edmund, wait!” I shouted at the figure of the duke walking down the path to the front gate.
His shoulders stiffened at the sound of my voice, but he continued his pace.
“Edmund, please. Let me explain.”
Finally, he stopped. “I think I have heard enough.”
“I never meant to lie. It started...My friend Willa asked me to switch places.”
“Oh, so there is a Willa?”
I winced at the tone of his voice. “Yes, I was doing her a favor. She never wanted to get married or be courted by a man. I never expected to meet someone like you, and I also never expected to like you. But here I am.”
“Here you are,” he said, his face drawn and sallow. “Why not confess sooner? Why did I have to hear it from someone else?”
“I was going to.” I waved my arms. “I planned to tell you once we were somewhere private.”
“You had plenty of chances before tonight.”
“I...” I sighed. “You are right. I should have. I liked you, and I was worried you would turn away from me once you found out I was not the daughter of a marquis.”
Edmund’s face turned to steel, his eyes avoiding my gaze. For a moment, he stood there on the gravel, something warring on his face, before he finally spoke. His musical accent had gone flat and cold. “You were correct. I have had enough. This is where we break our acquaintance.”
Edmund swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing, and stuck his hands in his pockets. He was every part the uninterested gentleman; I wondered how much of it was true. “I shall leave and if we ever meet again, I shall do my best to pretend we are strangers.”
Edmund refused to look at me; his gaze passed me by, focusing instead on something to the side, as if I was beneath his notice.
My heart broke into thousands of sharp shards, slicing my insides. My face crumbled. “Edmund...” My voice hitched as I reached out my hand towards him.
He withdrew his arm from my reach and stepped back, his gaze never once touching me. “Good day to you, Ms. Easton.”
15
A Large, Too Hot, Swallow Of Tea
The ride back to the house had passed in a blur. I went upstairs without speaking to anyone, merely climbed the stairs and let myself fall down on my bed.
My chest squeezed so tightly I could scarcely draw breath. Was this what it felt like to have your heart broken? How foolish had I been to fall in love with a man that was never meant to be mine. A sob slipped out while my hot tears soaked the bedspread beneath me. I curled up into a ball on top of my small bed.
The duke had looked so cold; just remembering his face made my heart clench. Now that he knew the truth, it made sense that he did not want me. What did I have to offer him? Why was I so naive?
My nose was stuffed up and my eyes hurt. Perhaps John had been right all along; perhaps I should have stayed in Westbridge.
The door to my room creaked open then my body jostled as Anne plopped down beside me. She gently laid her hand on my back. I rubbed my tear-stained eyes with the back of my hand, turning my head up towards her.
“You can say it...” Anne was quiet, but I could guess what my friend had been thinking. I had brought all of this on myself.
“Say what?” She brushed a few sticky clumps of hair back from my face and tucked them behind my ear.
I let out a rattling sigh. “You can tell me that you have said this would happen. That you were right from the start and I should have listened to you. I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to Willa’s scheme. Perhaps if I had listened to you, I would not be in this predicament.”
“Beth—" Anne stopped, her expression sad. Usually, she could sound a bit bossy, but now her voice was soft, hesitant. “I have never wanted you to be anything other than happy. It pains me to see you laying here in tears.” She squeezed my shoulder as I propped myself up. “You are my most treasured friend. I can be a bit harsh in my warnings, but that is merely because I care, and I do not want to see you get hurt. I am sorry that this scheme between you and the duke turned out the way that it did. It is plain to see that you harbor strong feelings for him.”
I closed my eyes. “I think I may love him.”
Anne nodded as she processed my words. “The duke most likely will not want to speak to you again.”
My heart clenched at the thought of never seeing the duke again, to never again feel his hand slip around mine as he led me to the dance floor. A fresh wave of tears slid down my cheeks. I had to look like a mess with my hair in disarray, red eyes, runny nose, and tears streaking down my face.
“I know.”
I propped myself up more, sweeping my feet beneath me.
Anne slung her arms around me, pulling me into the warmth of her embrace. “I am here, whenever you need to talk.” She squeezed me a bit tighter to emphasize her words. Then she pulled back, her tone once again firm. “We should get you some tea. Everything seems better once you have had some tea.”
Anne nodded briskly and strode out of the room, presumably to order a maid to bring some freshly brewed tea to my room. A couple of minutes later, Anne returned. She snatched the cloth hanging from the edge of my washing basin and dipped a point into the water, wetting it. Then she returned to my side.
“How about we clean you up,” she said, swiping the salt tracks from my cheeks with the wetted side of the cloth. Then she found a brush and combed out the angry snarls of hair jutting out from my face. Once she was done, Anne took a step back to admire her work. “Much better.” She set aside the brush and smiled at me. I knew what Anne was doing; Anne disliked feeling like she could not be of use so she would turn to doing tasks to help make someone feel better.
The maid dropped off a tray holding a steaming pot of tea, two cups and saucers, and a plate with a small variety of biscuits. Anne handed me an oatmeal biscuit which I greedily scarfed down, washing the crumbs away with a large, too hot, swallow of tea. My throat tightened on the food and drink, but once the uncomfortable sensation passed, the heat spread through my stomach, warming me up. Anne was right; tea did make everything seem better, even if it was only temporary. Anne gave me another biscuit before starting on her own tea.
“This might not be what you imagined,” she said carefully, in between dainty sips from her cup. “However, before this, you were looking forward to attending your first London season.” I opened my mouth to reply, but Anne shushed me. “Beth, there are still plenty of events to attend. Perhaps another gentleman might catch your eye. After all, there have been men visiting this house looking to be your suitor.”
I swallowed my tea thickly. “I suppose.” The lie tasted sour as it slipped past my lips. The duke would be more difficult to forget than that.
***
I spent the next few days sulking around the townhouse, only putting on a happy face whenever my brother was around. After everything that happened with Mr. Danby, I did not need John worrying about me; he might never let me leave Hawthorne again. Though Rose must have suspected something was wrong as she stopped me one morning after breakfast and pulled me aside.
“Did something happen?” she asked, her intelligent eyes locking onto mine.
