Egan, p.12
Egan, page 12
“And how much help do you think I need?” she asked, her tone caustic, as she glared at Berry. “A little bit or will they put me away for this?”
“I have no idea,” Berry stated, “and I don’t know why they would put you away. Seems there are mitigating circumstances, in the sense that you were overwhelmed with loss and fear. However, I don’t know how much that would be held against you. Now, would you be allowed to go out on a mission like this again? I have no idea but probably not.”
“I don’t want to either,” Cherry declared immediately.
“Exactly, you just want to go home and to get out of this whole scenario. Therefore, if the brass understands that, … then maybe you’ll be fine. I do think you need to seek some professional counseling though.”
At that, Cherry rolled her head toward Berry and added a bit too harshly, “Don’t worry. Sydney told me the same thing.”
Berry smiled. “Good, then, as long as we’re spouting the same talk, maybe you’ll pay attention and listen for a change.”
“Not likely,” she quipped, and then she grinned. “Sorry, that was more for fun than anything.”
“I get it,” Berry replied. “I just don’t know if there will be any repercussions for not having spoken up timely about Yegorahn’s whereabouts.”
“I don’t know.” Cherry sighed. “I could hope somebody would have a little compassion for me, but really the focus should be on Yegorahn’s death and what happened to him.”
“I guess I need to ask, … just for my own sake. So, you have no ideas about anybody who might have wanted to kill him?”
“No, of course not,” she stated, staring at her sister. “I get that, for you, … short-term relationships are never your thing. Yet, for me, they’re easy, fun, and I quite enjoy them,” she shared. “In this case, it was a little more than that, but, no, I really don’t know why anyone would kill Yegorahn,” she muttered, banging her head on the hospital cot. “I wish I did.”
“How much do you remember of the last night that you saw him?”
“He got up, left me in bed, told me what time it was, and he was going to grab a coffee. Next thing I knew, … he was missing.” Cherry shook her head. “And nobody knew anything about our night together.”
Of course Berry wanted to ask why hadn’t Cherry come forward at that point in time because that would have been a really good time to have shared what she did know, but her sister didn’t deal with her own problems, much less someone else’s—even if to potentially save somebody, it seemed.
Berry sat back and nodded.
“Look. I know that you’re disappointed in me,” Cherry admitted, “because once again it seems as if … I put myself ahead of others. If I had been thinking about Yegorahn, I would have immediately come forward.”
“Yeah, that makes sense—what with your intent to mitigate the circumstances here.”
“Which is also why I took the drugs and why I wanted to leave this place. I just wanted to get the hell out of here,” Cherry wailed. “You know how I felt about that.”
“Yeah, but chances are I’ll get interviewed over it all myself.”
Her sister winced. “I know you probably want to throw me to the wolves, but it would be nice if you didn’t.”
She snorted. “Since when have I ever wanted to throw my sister to the wolves? We may have issues, but that isn’t something I would normally consider part of our relationship.”
“No, it’s usually me throwing you to the wolves,” Cherry replied, with a knowing half smile. “And I do have a tendency to knock you to all the boyfriends.”
“You what?” Berry asked, staring at her sister. “Why would you do that?”
She looked at her, flushed, and admitted, “Because—I guess, in a way—I’m jealous, and I’m always afraid they’ll come to you instead of me.”
“Why the …” And Berry abruptly shut up and studied her sister.
Cherry shrugged. “I get that, to you, that’s probably foolish, but I can’t really change the way I feel about it. I can’t.”
“But it also means that, in terms of jealousy, you’re still dealing with a lot of issues that I would have hoped you had long since dealt with.”
“When you grow up with a sister who looks almost identical to you, … you have to do something to … separate yourself.”
“Sleeping with men would do that,” Berry noted immediately.
Cherry winced. “Yes, probably that’s why I do it, … but I do enjoy it. So it’s not as if I’m doing it on purpose just for that reason.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Berry muttered, still trying to hold back her shock at hearing that her sister used to say nasty things about Berry to boyfriends. “And it would be nice if you would stop saying negative things about me,” Berry suggested, “unless you truly believe them. In that case, then we need to have a deeper talk than we are right now.”
Her sister jutted her chin out. “It’s not that,” Cherry stated. “I think it’s just jealousy, as always. You’re always the smarter one and the prettier one, so I had to be the one who was way more fun.”
“Good God,” Berry whispered, as she stared at her sister. “You didn’t have to be more anything. You just had to be you.”
“Being you when you’re a copy and paste isn’t that easy. We’re a copy and paste of each other,” Cherry stated, with a mock chuckle, “and that’s freaking irritating.”
Berry frowned. “I don’t know about irritating, and I certainly wouldn’t have considered that kind of negative self-talk. I’ve always enjoyed having you around, and we’ve been extremely close at various times.”
Her sister laughed. “I wonder how much of that extremely close we would have been if you had understood how much I’ve knocked you to the men.”
Berry shrugged but still frowned. “They were your men, not mine, and I’m grateful that you stayed away from mine.” Berry grabbed a firm hold on her own emotions, as she realized her sister needed this talk. It wouldn’t matter to Cherry that she was causing pain for Berry because, when Cherry needed to share damning news, that apparently was all that mattered.
Berry caught Sydney’s glance from behind Cherry, and Berry stiffened. “Or was it to my boyfriends as well?”
Her sister slid her a glance and then turned away.
Berry took that as a yes and stared at her in shock. “While you’re confessing, could you please confess everything, so that it’s right out in the open just how bad this has been?”
“It’s not been bad at all,” Cherry said, with a careless laugh. “Except that I did break up you and John in high school.”
Berry’s heart sank at that. “You mean, when I accused you of sleeping with him?”
“Yeah,” she confirmed, “and that was a yes. We didn’t tell you, but it seemed as if you knew anyway.”
“I sure as hell had an ugly feeling about it, but, in my head, I allowed myself to believe that my sister—who loved me—would never hurt me like that,” she shared, “and now you’re telling me that you absolutely did?”
At that, Cherry winced and nodded. “And it was me, not him.”
“You, not him? Really?” Berry asked in disbelief, “and I’m supposed to just accept that?”
“I get it, and it wasn’t easy for him. I’ll put it this way,” Cherry explained, “that he felt terrible afterward. But you broke up with him soon anyway.”
“Yeah, because he had changed, and I didn’t know what was going on, but something obviously was,” Berry declared. “I always had my suspicions, and you just admitted it.” She sat back and stared at her sister. “Anybody else?”
Her sister glared at her. “I haven’t spent a lifetime cheating with your boyfriends.”
“I would be grateful, if that were the truth. However, you didn’t even tell me about Yegorahn for the longest time, and, even then, you didn’t tell me the truth. I don’t know what you were afraid of, but I have never slept with one of your boyfriends,” she stated.
“No, because, by the time I was done, they didn’t like you,” Cherry admitted. “I … whitewashed you out of the picture.”
“Jesus, Cherry.” She stared at her sister in shock. “All of that … but why? I’ve never done anything to you, so I don’t understand this.”
Cherry seemed happy to talk, so not long afterward Berry made her escape and headed to the kitchen area, her energy plummeting at this point. The conversation with her sister had gone from bad to worse, but Berry had remained stoic and had listened to her.
As Berry made herself a cup of tea, Sydney walked up.
“You handled that really well.”
Berry glanced at her and whispered, “Maybe outwardly, but I still want to wring her neck.”
Sydney nodded and smiled. “But the thing is, you didn’t. You didn’t attack her. You didn’t judge her for it, and I could see that you were really struggling. But, if Cherry has any hope of getting past some of this and healing, then she needs to talk about it, even with you. And you handled it extremely well.” Then Sydney hesitated and added in a low tone, “Look. If you need somebody to talk to, please make sure you get help yourself.”
“I’m fine,” she whispered to Sydney, looking around to make sure they weren’t overheard. “But finding out all those lovely little tidbits didn’t do anything for my mental health.”
“No, and that’s why I’m here, … to tell you that I really admire and appreciate the way you handled her. You did very well.”
“And yet I don’t feel as if I handled anything. I’m in shock and just waiting for it to calm down.”
“And it will. It will calm down, but how you want it to calm down will be up to you. Anyway, give her some space right now. You probably need it too.”
“Yeah, that’ll be easy,” she stated. “It may be wrong to say it, but, right about now, the last thing I want is to spend any time with my sister.”
And with that, she grabbed her tea and headed back to her room, already looking back over the years with a woman who was identical to her in so many ways, and yet, where it counted, was the complete opposite.
*
Egan unharnessed the dogs and tried to rub Toby down even as Toby rolled in the snow.
Joe stepped out and asked in a guttural tone, “How did he do?”
“Toby did really well.” Egan looked over at the older man, with a smile. “You’d never know he’d been shot. Queenie stole the show though. She’s quite the dog and a sweetheart to boot.”
“She is at that. And, in Toby’s case, it’s the damn muscle that’s causing him so much trouble,” Joe shared, as he helped unleash the rest of the dogs from their harnesses and ushered them in. “Is this now a regular thing for you?” Joe asked Egan.
“It is at the moment, yes, until we see whether the rest of those folks from the scientists’ camp come in or out. It’s a nice quick run, check on their camp, and come back.”
“Oh, I agree,” Joe said, “and anything like that slow, steady run is very good for the dogs. So I appreciate you working with Toby. And Queenie seems taken with you.”
“Believe me. I’m just fine with taking Toby out. And I adore Queenie. Any time the other injured one is ready for a walk, you let me know.”
“I was thinking about trying him tomorrow maybe, but I think I want to go out with him myself.”
“If you want to come with me, I’ll be going back up again tomorrow.”
“You’re really doing this every day, huh?”
“Knowing missing people are out there nobody can find? … Yeah, it’s honestly got me a little on the antsy side,” Egan admitted, with a half smile.
Joe nodded. “I wouldn’t want anybody suffering, if they don’t have to. So, if a simple check of the scientists’ camp for any fresh tracks is what you need, then I’m all for it. And you guys backtracked the other sled that you found?”
“We did, and the fact that it’s broken and just barely made it that far is also a concern,” Egan shared. “I presume they had skis, from what we could see, and managed to get back out again. However, if it was Amelia and if she has anybody else who’s injured or dies,” Egan clarified, “then that’s a problem.”
“Yeah, and she won’t have any way to bring them back and forth.”
“Nope,” Egan agreed. “Not unless she has another sled or has another method to bring them in. I don’t know that it’s her, of course, but I’m kind of counting on it.”
Joe nodded. “Oh, I agree with you, but it’s got to be something pretty severe for anybody to want to stay out there.”
“That’s what we’re wondering about too. Maybe she doesn’t have a choice,” Egan noted calmly. “And, no, I don’t even want to think about what it could be in her world that could be so bad that she doesn’t have a choice.”
“And yet we all know that’s possible.”
“Unfortunately, yes. … I just want to be out there in case she needs something.”
At that, Joe turned and looked at him. “Do you ever suspect that you’re being watched?”
Egan nodded, acknowledging for the first time something that he did intuitively sense. “It does feel as if something’s going on that I’m not necessarily aware of, but I don’t know that I would say that I’m being watched, per se.”
“I don’t know what else you can call it,” Joe stated. “And, if it is that, then God help us all.”
“No, I think it just means that she’s terrified to come in, and that in itself is a problem,” Egan pointed out. “If she really doesn’t trust anybody, what has she heard or seen or acknowledged in some way, and from whom? And why is it that we don’t have the same knowledge?”
“So, are you thinking one of her team may have found something they weren’t supposed to?”
“Look at who she—or somebody—returned to us. Yegorahn’s body, dropped off at the scientists’ camp. One of our own trainees who had gone missing. What if he wasn’t dead when she found him? What if she tried to nurse him and couldn’t save him, but, in the meantime, he mentioned something?”
Joe nodded slowly. “That’s not exactly a thought we want to consider, is it?”
“Yet how is it something we can walk away from?” Egan continued. “Just think about it. All kinds of shit are going on at our base, and we don’t have a clue who or why. But she’s got some lifeline going on here, and maybe she’s just staying on her own as long as she can. Maybe she knows something we don’t know, or maybe another team is coming that she’s had contact with.”
Joe frowned at that. “Why the hell would anybody not bring her in?”
“For safety,” Egan suggested simply, “for just straight-up safety reasons. Maybe whoever she has with her is either too sick to travel or doesn’t want to come in for some reason, or maybe she’s being held hostage for something we don’t have a clue about.”
“God.” Joe swore under his breath. “That’s why I stick with dogs,” he declared in a harsh tone. “I can understand them at least. When they’re hungry, they eat. When they’re not hungry, they don’t. When they want loving attention, they come get it. And, other than that, you can count on a dog to give the rest of this BS a pass,” Joe muttered. “Something’s wrong about Amelia deliberately staying out there. It’s not an easy life here, no matter what choices we make, but to think that she’s deliberately avoiding us and believes that is keeping her safe? That’s a little scary.”
“I agree,” Egan replied. “That’s one of the reasons I keep going up there, just to check to ensure anybody else isn’t left behind.”
“Right.” Joe smiled. “That’s a good model. Nobody ever gets left behind, not in my world.”
“Now all we have to do is make sure that whatever the hell is going on stops, so we can get everybody out of here safely,” Egan noted. “I still don’t quite understand why the brass hasn’t just airlifted everybody out or run a heavy investigation into all parts of this chaos, then called it quits.”
“Maybe they can’t yet. Maybe they don’t have enough information,” Joe suggested. “Maybe they’re just leaving everybody up here to sort it out. Who knows? Maybe they’re getting such garbled information from headquarters that nobody understands how bad it is.”
“That part I might believe,” Egan admitted, with a headshake. “But the rest of it? If the brass talked to anybody here, it would be a completely different story.”
“But nobody’s talking, right? People are holding back.”
“That’s also part of the problem. Yet, as soon as that does becomes part of the narrative, then nobody knows who and what to believe.”
“It’s all bullshit,” Joe snapped, as he glared around. Then he groaned. “But it doesn’t matter, for I will continue to look after my dogs. However, this time—whenever I get out of here—I may never come back.” Joe gave a heavy sigh.
“And you don’t have to. That’s all part and parcel of everybody making a decision after this, isn’t it?”
“Sure, but it feels very much as if we’ve been left in the wild.”
“I think there’s probably a lot of investigative work going on, whether we see it or not.”
“Just what is happening then? There are still no answers?”
“No answers, yeah.” Egan sighed. “At some point in time people will start wondering if someone killed the latest Russian guy, since we now have Yegorahn’s body, yet we don’t even know what happened to him.”
“Sure, and absolutely no idea what killed him.”
“No. Hypothermia maybe. I saw no obvious signs otherwise for why he died. So hypothermia becomes a really strong possibility.”
“Yeah, it does at that.” Joe shook his head. “When all else fails, go back to the basics.”
“Up here, it doesn’t take long for the basics to kill you either, as you and I both know.”
With that, Joe smiled and added, “Now I’ll head over and grab a hot cup of tea or coffee, if there happens to be any left.” He gave an eye roll.
“I wouldn’t count on it.” Egan smirked. “Just enough people are in there all the time that I’m sure they’re running out.”
“Maybe, but, if nothing else, I’ll go and see if all is well.”
